rondeau

Writer, musician, and host

Rondeau Ramblings: Here we go again - 2024

On January 2nd, 2020, I received the news that Skald's Tale Entertainment LLC was officially established. Armed with my business paperwork, I was ready to conquer the world. At that time, I ran a successful Full-Time GM business and took immense pride in my work. We even launched a podcast centered around Dungeons and Dragons, laying the foundation for what I believed would be a prosperous venture. 

However, 2020 didn't unfold as planned. The pandemic hit, causing clients to cut costs, and I lost clients for my business. By the summer of 2021, I realized the need for a pivot. I transitioned into a college professor role, a job I genuinely love. It not only expanded my worldview but also honed my skills. Interestingly, managing a group of students working on a paper isn't vastly different from organizing players for a weekly game. During this period, despite facing health challenges, I continued my study of analog gaming, became a writer for Paizo, and persisted in my streaming efforts. I even was interviewed by Polygon during this period. 

Nevertheless, the business suffered, and I've consistently incurred losses since 2022. Balancing my college career development with tabletop content creation, I was overwhelmed in the Fall of 2023, working sixty hours a week plus three significant projects and Ph.D. applications. 

So, what does this year hold? I've decided to give myself six months for growth. From now until the end of June, I'll focus on maximizing the potential of editing podcasts, the "Of Blood and Ichor" stream, and writing while navigating the challenging social media landscape. This is an ambitious goal, but I believe it's manageable while maintaining a healthy work-life balance. 

  

Here's what you can look forward to: 

1. Ashen Snow: Run by the Rulelord, this series explores the Gatewalker adventurer path. Featuring personalities like Aubrey from Goblets and Gays, Archedas from the UGT network, Misfit from the Crit Awards and Misty Mountain Gaming, and myself, episodes will be released every Tuesday on your podcast platform of choice. 

2. Skyfire: A homebrew pirate adventure set in the Jade Reach, this project is a love letter to my Chinese heritage and Caucasian experience. Episodes will be released every Thursday on your podcast platform of choice. 

3. Of Blood and Ichor (OBAI): Produced by Jared Hoy of Dragons and Things and Tabletop News, this campaign set in the Jade Reach delves into the aftermath of the Blood Phoenix war. The schedule is being finalized, featuring voice actor Dayeanne Hutton, actress Erika Fermina, and playwright and actor Randy Alvarenga, and is aiming for Thursday evenings. 

4. Regarding writing goals, I'm working on a series of twenty one-shots to release this summer, guiding players from level 1 to 20, with one session per level and a complete story. I am in the playtest phase. Beyond that, I'm also editing my book and embarking on the agent search process. For next year, I intend to have a full-level 1-12 AP adventure path ready for publication in 2025. For freelance writing, I continue contributing to Major Spoilers and plan to blog more frequently. I may also explore additional freelance opportunities. And audio drama maybe?

Regardless of whether I achieve my goals, these projects will likely persist. However, without growth, my enthusiasm for taking on new projects may wane, potentially leading me to pivot towards a writing career alongside teaching in place of public projects. 

As I return to my vacation, gearing up for a full-time return next week, I've pre-edited 3-5 episodes of Skyfire and Ashen Snow. There's also the possibility of streaming an hour or so during lunch, though this remains undecided. Expect a total return next week, and enjoy the upcoming content. Perhaps a blog on personal goals and my thoughts on non-Eurocentric fantasy will be in store. 

Upcoming Year Reflection

I turned thirty this year, and I feel I'm grappling with a moral and ethical dilemma. I've always possessed a creative mind, achieving remarkable feats during my time as a classical musician. I received invitations to serve as an artist-in-residence at schools and as a guest artist at conferences. While others were invited as students, I was welcomed as a performer. When I transitioned to full-time tabletop GMing, I stood among the pioneers in the field, and my experiences were even covered in an interview by Polygon. 

As a writer, I secured a position early in my career at Major Spoilers without relying extensively on unpaid work. I also had the privilege of contributing to my favorite tabletop company (I'll delve into that further later). 

Subsequently, I became a college professor, finding immense satisfaction in my work and believing I excel at it. In fact, the fulfillment I've experienced in teaching writing surpasses what I ever felt when teaching music.   

However, my financial situation has never truly been stable. I've borrowed significant sums from financial institutions and family members to maintain stability. Although I've made partial repayments, they remain insufficient.   

I had envisioned that by my thirtieth year, I would have attained more stability, possibly considering settling down. I imagined perusing the housing market and achieving success in publishing or through a prominent exhibition. Contrary to these expectations, I'm now facing another 5-7 years of academic pursuit to earn a doctorate, potentially enabling me to secure a desirable full-time tenured professorship. This path involves a substantial series of moves from one university to another, eventually to a tenured position. This timeline significantly delays my prospects of purchasing a home. 

This issue weighs heavily on my mind. I yearn to spend quality time with my children and relish social activities. I want to be paying off aggressive amounts of debt, both student and otherwise. I want to feel secure and take care of my health and raise my kids and spoil them. Yet, I allocate an extensive amount of my time to tabletop RPGs, assuming it's a worthwhile endeavor financially one day. In truth, I invest more into this hobby than it yields. Consequently, Skald's Tale Entertainment remains in a monthly deficit due to the expenses of services and contracting roughly half of my players. Thus, I've made the difficult decision this summer to reevaluate my objectives. 

I've opted to discontinue streaming. Balancing the demands of running games on streams has proven too strenuous, and even if I wanted to produce a game show, the workload would be overwhelming. I've relinquished my show idea to another network (I'll elaborate on this later) and reduced costs to a minimal level, yielding only a modest profit while reducing my workload from 15 hours to approximately 5. More details will follow. More information about this in September!

We'll maintain the current approach for Ashen Snow until we complete the first book. At that point, we'll reassess our financial standing. I confess that I haven't edited a podcast in two weeks due to contemplation and my responsibilities for the new school semester. 

I'm committed to maintaining Skyfire, my cherished project, though I have fallen behind on the editing process. 

We're returning to writing, a pursuit I deeply enjoy. I aspire to craft some one-shots under the Kindred Journeys brand and potentially develop a more extensive adventure path in 2024. 

As a result, we're reverting to a straightforward release schedule: Skyfire will be released on Wednesdays and Ashen Snow on Fridays. Additionally, I plan to contribute more to blogs in the upcoming months. But as of right now, Twitch and Youtube are off the table. I just want to focus on making more money, spending less time at my computer, and working on my failing health conditions.

Happier blogs soon. 

Rondeau Ramblings: What is Failure?

This past week, I found myself contemplating failure quite a bit. It coincided with the Tulsa humanitarian crisis, where powerful winds exceeding 100 mph and a couple of tornadoes wreaked havoc on the city. Approximately 70 percent of the population endured power outages, while essential resources such as gas, ice, and food became scarce. Personally, I endured three days without electricity, and sadly, there are still individuals without power even after almost a week. 

However, the purpose of this blog post isn't solely to discuss these events. Throughout that week, I spent a significant amount of time lying in bed, reflecting on missed deadlines and assessing what I could or couldn't accomplish. It led me to realize that I grapple with the fear of failure, consistently feeling like a failure. 

In jest, I often recount my high school years when I tried to embrace Chinese culture, and my college years when I endeavored to fit into a specific mold associated with being white. However, as a multi-ethnic individual, I have frequently been told that I lack the authority to speak on either experience. Even as a professional GM, I have been excluded from conversations about game management, leaving me with a sense of inadequacy and an inability to contribute. It feels as though I must continually prove my expertise in any given subject. 

As I sat there, perspiring in the sweltering heat, my thoughts turned to my Ph.D. applications and upcoming tabletop shows. It dawned on me that I strive to be the absolute best at something because I believe that without that distinction, I am a failure. This realization likely stems from imposter syndrome. 

Perhaps I should have pursued a different career path. Only the most successful tabletop shows yield profits, and aspiring to become an academic professor necessitates obtaining a Ph.D., requiring excellence in every aspect. I don't know; I simply needed a platform to express my thoughts openly. 

Nevertheless, I will persevere. I will endeavor to not merely gaze at the ceiling lost in contemplation while pursuing my writing. "The Jade Reach" holds immense potential, and I believe my doctoral program applications are growing stronger each day. 

Rondeau Ramblings: Thoughts on Discourse

I got kind of frustrated recently. There is a video out there right now that gave poor criticism to a property that I love. While I’m not going to bother giving any more context about it, the response led to people creating videos defending the property. But what frustrated me was the comments. The blatant disrespect to one another because of a disagreement and I spent a good amount of time trying to figure out why it bothered me so much. I realized that it was a reflection on our political situation. Where people say they believe one thing and then are met with quiet judgement at best and raging keyboard warriors at worst.

I thought long and hard about it over the last few days and I realized that the line “You’re delusional” is thrown around a lot. And I concluded that most people think, “Well, if I know I am rational and you disagree with me, therefore you must be irrational.” And they come to this conclusion before any comments or conversations are observed. “I believe x.” “Well, I believe y therefore you are irrational.” What an obscene thought process. You can do tons of research and have tons of sources to support your stance but when people enter a conversation starting with an insult, we accomplish nothing.

If I went into every argument I ever had thinking that the opponent was irrational, where do I learn anything? Where do I learn about different points of views and perspectives? Well, I don’t learn anything. How can I? If I think that there is a God and you don’t, does that make either of us delusional? Well not inherently. And certainly not based on a blanket statement. We have learned to judge people based on blanket ideas or preconceptions. If I have heard the arguments of one Christian, then I have heard them all meaning I can apply the same basic conclusion to all of them.

Not only is that wrong but frankly disrespectful.

And not only that, but it also causes people to react to the insult and pushes people further into their beliefs. If you want to change someone's mind to your point of view, please engage it respectfully. If you start a conversation with “you are stupid” and then expect me to believe you. Well, that isn’t going to be very good discourse at the very least.

I realize now that I enter every conversation with a healthy amount of doubt. Doubt that I could be wrong, and that this person has something important to say. When the George Floyd murder happened a lot of people began to step back and say, “well maybe I was wrong about the state of racism in the United States.” And then people began to talk to other people about it and learn something. Maybe their opinions change and maybe they didn’t. But it created a healthy amount of discourse that only happened due to someone’s unfortunate death.

Then everyone became closed minded again to discourse when the pandemic slowly got worse. And people ran out of money. There were no compassion, no discourse, and people began to result to anger because of their inability to take care of themselves due to the pandemic and the laws surrounding the pandemic.   

I just want to return to normal discourse. A time where we can discuss different ideas. I don’t know if we are able to turn back to polite conversation. Only time will tell if we can heal enough to do so and teach our children to do so. 

Rondeau's Ramblings: Integrity of the Game

One of the constant questions I get is discussing the integrity of tabletop gaming. My understanding of the question is based on the improvisational nature of the game. In other words, how much should a player prep of their story prior to session and what should be left as a surprise. I don’t get the question. I think people are looking for a hard-set rule on how to play the game and it really depends on the table. I’ll do my best to discuss my thoughts on the topic.

There are two different scenarios. A private game and a public one. In a private game where I am running for a group of players, I tend to be flexible. My main priority is the story and I aim to weave the narrative for the specific characters. However, I don’t have hard and strict rules for what the player brings to the table. I’m not trying to create a huge philosophical theme for players who just want to experience a heroic adventure. I do usually put out some rules though. My players do not need a long backstory, but I expect a three-dimensional character. In other words, the characters need to have goals. Or rather, a player needs to have goals for their character. I use the abstract and concrete goals to simplify this process. Your character must have something obtainable, like an item/revenge/power but the character must also have an abstract goal. Abstract goals are something like, “Higher self-esteem" or “world peace”. This allows me to create natural obstacles for the characters and create a relevant narrative.

I usually like characters who don’t know what they want right away. Sometimes you have the go with the flow guy. It allows with an abstract goal of “finding purpose” and usually the player has several ideas on how to accomplish that. Presenting a scenario that spurs a character into action creates some of my favorite moments. These small actions are incredibly impactful. Hell, I can remember moments where I decided to be a better person or learned a valuable lesson. They don’t change my actions before or after the moment, but they were the catalyst for them.

In public streams or podcast, I require my players to work much harder. Players are required to be proactive rather than reactive. Think of it like World of Warcraft. Players are reacting to the quest giver and scenario and it forces the villains to have a much more dynamic persona then your silent protagonist. For me, World of Warcraft is a game where the setting and the world is much more interesting than the player character. Then take a game like the Witcher. Geralt is actively hunting monsters and accomplishing goals. While the setting of the Witcher is deep and rich, the protagonist makes the game interesting.

Players are challenged with being a protagonist. They take this abstract and concrete goal and actively try to solve it while also existing in the overall narrative. In between sessions, players are expected to come up with a plan and figure out what they want to do. I actively try to write out information on towns and locations and send to the PCs so they can figure out what they want to do. The worst show is seeing people sit around for 10 minutes doing nothing.

The problem with this method is that people are not trained to be proactive. In fact, it is rather hard. They don’t create their character like Disney’s Mulan that actively puts herself into the war camp to save her father but rather the henchmen who simply follow their orders. On top of that, there is this expectation that the storyteller should push the narrative for them. Sometimes I have a town that simply has NPCs to talk to. A diverse cast of side characters that have their own trials and tribulations. They don’t even expect the PCs to help, it is up to the players to get involved if they choose too. At times, the party waits for something to happen. Not every town is going to have centaurs attacking the city that the heroes need to react to save. Some towns are just there for them to learn something about the culture, catch up on rumors, and intervene if they want too. Or if they really don’t care about the smaller interactions. They can simply leave and move on.

I’ve had poor success early on. In one of my first stream projects, I changed my style from having reactive players then suddenly pushed them for proactive actions. Effectively, I created a living world where players actions and inactions affected how things happened. If they went left rather than right, things still happened on the right. I’m saddened the group fell apart, as it was a stream with friends rather than actors. But my new style I was developing did not match what they wanted to play or were used to playing. And that is okay. I do wish I was more articulate with what I was trying to do though.

So yeah, to answer the question. Strict improvisation doesn’t make a good game. The “integrity” comes from a player's willingness to work with the party's style rather than the game needing to be played a certain way. I use a heavy hands-off game normally. I create the overarching plot and the setting and let my players simply exist. If your table uses other gaming philosophies, then let it happen! Don’t let my personal thoughts affect how your table runs.

Reflecting on 2020 and Prepping for 2021

It has been a while. I don’t give this website much thought since I quit pursuing music full time. To be frank, I made this website when I committed to being a musician full time. I was in the last year of school and about to head into the real world. Excelsior Quartet was hired out to be an Artist in Residence at Westmont University and as a guest artist at the South-Western Tuba Euphonium Conference. Then I got into a car accident that screeched my music career to a halt and I couldn’t recover and pay bills at the same time. It was a mess. I finished my professional engagements and had to find work, raise a newborn, and recover physically from the consequences of the accident. Ultimately, I didn’t have the energy or time to put in those coveted six hours of practice in I did in college. No more 10pm to 2am practice times because it was the best time to get a practice room.

The job search went terribly. My expertise was in food service and music. Physically, I couldn’t meet the minimum requirements. Even four years later, I don’t think I have recovered. But I guess we can attribute some of that to being a young adult and not a vibrant teenager. For the most part, I couldn’t even find full time office work for some reason. They claimed getting a degree would solve our problems but that doesn’t truly reflect reality. I made a new career for myself at that moment and I started what would become Skald’s Tale Entertainment LLC.

Then I left social media. The discourse and dialogue I were participating in was harmful to my psyche. People were unintentionally attacking my character and their choice of intentionally attacking the things I participate in. This happened both from the groups that I participate little in but also my close friend group. I don’t know why. Maybe it is because I took a hobby and tried to make art out of it. Then I tried to get paid for me. Either way, I needed the space. I constantly was driving to recitals and visiting people if they needed me. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t get a download for a podcast when I could see the analytics. Don’t even have to listen to it, the one download was crucial in those early moments.

On January 2nd, 2020 I opened my business officially. Skald’s Tale Entertainment LLC and several shows began production. We even prepped for our first crowdfunding campaign. Then COVID-19 and the 2020 protests happened. I had/have a high turnover rate for clients this year and overall lost a fair amount of income. Between that and California Assembly Bill 5 – I was looking at an extreme loss of work. So, my wife and I moved. We became the statistic of people leaving California for the expense and made a new home for ourselves in Pittsburgh, PA. With our projected wages we can afford a three-bedroom duplex at the cost of a studio apartment in Los Angeles.

I now spend my mornings doing at-home preschool with my daughter and writing articles. I spend Auri’s quiet/naptime getting through some writing and cleaning and my evenings running my business. In December of 2020, I finished my Masters in English with an emphasis on collaborative storytelling, speculative fiction, and creative writing. Now, I need 2021 to continue to move forward. I felt that 2020 forced me to stall my business due to reduced income and overall fatigue of world events. However, I cannot afford another year like 2020 and am putting all the energy I put into my Master's degree back into creative projects.

Wyvern’s Aria is continuing strong, but my cast and I agreed that we needed a face lift. So, we will be updating our art assets to reflect that. In 2020, we also signed on Throwing Bones Podcast. Throwing Bones is a queer-led Monster of the Week game featuring high school teacher adamantly defending their students. We have art assets in commission for that and will update the website with that accordingly. This year, I also began negotiations to publish our first tabletop game. I’m hoping to have a contract signed this month to cement that.

In 2021, I am moving away from private gamemastering in hopes of other writing work. Running games paid my bills for near three years but I think I am growing beyond what the market is willing to pay. With a degree in writing, I’m hoping for a narrative writing job or at least as an entertainment writer. The games that are active will remain active but will not be renewed if the game loses many players.

Additionally, I have partnered with Astral Tabletop to create a new web series and will have several announcements on that in early January. We have two projects in the back pocket which includes a war game featuring unconventional races as well as a “Chinese meets Cowboys” game. My team and I are trying to determine which game to pursue first. Casting will be beginning during Quarter 2 of 2021.

Lastly, we will be crowdfunding two projects as well. Likely smaller micro-ttrpgs to help fund the business. I have been writing some stuff that needs a place and this seems like the best way to do it. Hopefully with the profit we can negate some costs and be less in the red.

Skald’s Tale Entertainment is also hiring a part-time virtual assistant and game designer in 2021. I’ve already interviewed a few people and am happy to continue to expand my team. Just need to confirm the funding.

Personally, I am unable to pursue a PhD in 2021 due to many programs not accepting grad students due to the pandemic. I’m saddened but I guess I’ll just fill up that time with my continually addiction to World of Warcraft. Maybe I’ll be able to get back into a game of D&D or Pathfinder but that is always a tumultuous process for me.

But for now, consider this a yearly update on where the Rondeau family is at. We are updating the https://rondeaucreator.com website and be a place for my personal thoughts. And I am planning a relaunch day for https://skaldstale.com one-year anniversary. Follow Skald’s Tale on twitch at https://twitch.tv/skaldstale and see what we have planned for the new year!

Thoughts on Pathfinder 2e

Pathfinder 2e came out last month and I have had a blast delving into the new system and I wanted to give my initial thoughts. I want to preface this article with I am not writing to tell you how to play the game but rather some of my thoughts about how the game is run. 

First and foremost, games that have been designed in recent years have been built around the concept of simplicity. Take D&D 5e for example. Instead of having to figure out a circumstance bonus, we simply give advantage or disadvantage and call it a day. This mechanic allows DMs to easily give a bonus but doesn’t allow any variety when it comes to the numbers. This simplicity doesn’t encourage smart play, as gaining advantage is actually rather easy. It takes out a lot of the tactics that you can set yourself up with and I often wonder if people don’t just play a rules light games like Dungeon World or Fate. Pathfinder 2e takes the complexity of previous editions and simplifies it but still rewards creative gameplay. And it does this by adding a circumstance bonus for smart play and catching the enemies flat footed. The main critique is that the system then becomes much harder to grasp for new players but I have found that it isn’t any more or less complicated than D&D 5e, except that the numbers you apply tend to be larger to allow for more variation in accuracy.

The other way I noticed is that players have more choices. A lot of systems have an action, move, and swift action system. Pathfinder 2e created a three action economy that you can use any of your skills in. This allows you to swing your sword three times, to move three times, and to use a variety of different options is an engaging way. This power is balanced with something called the multiple attack penalty. Effectively, if you attack with more than one time in a turn you take a culminating -5 to your attack roll. However, they added a bunch of new ways to use your actions. If you are proficient in deception, you can use an action to contest your deception verses their insight to potentially catch the target flat-footed. Tripping, disarming, feinting, shoving, are now all mechanics that seem to be a benefit to use as opposed to an excuse to not do damage. My main flame about 5e is that martial classes didn’t really have options to change the pace of the game. Tripping and shoving feel like a waste of action economy and therefore it is usually better to just take every turn and strike. Leaving the cool abilities and concepts to casters. Sure, martial characters are consistent but they get most of their cool abilities by level 5 and never see much of a change. In Pathfinder 2e, I’m hoping to see the class kits and the feat diversity really allow martial characters to grow.

Classes are about what you would expect. I haven’t played enough to know about the balance of the game. However, I do like the multiclassing mechanics. Everything in this game is based on feats. Racial (called ancestry) feats, general feats, class feats, and skill feats. Every couple of levels, you gain a class feat that you can use to really round out your class kit. When you multiclass, you can choose to not take a feat in your class and get a feat in another one. Allowing you to get all the not feat related features of your class but still able to get a great deal of diversity in your class kit. I strongly believe in making a character concept but often your character concept doesn’t make the best character mechanically and it becomes clear when you are falling behind. I look forward to see if my monk/alchemist idea can be viable through this system.

Speaking of diversity, I came from the TTRP game known as Champions where you receive points and made whatever character you wanted within that point system. I haven’t found a rules heavy system that has allowed me to do that since. The feat system in older editions of D&D and pathfinder has always been great but people tended to specialize. In this edition, there are four kinds of feats that allow you to specialize in four different aspects of your character as opposed to a specific mechanic. Hypothetically, you should then get a more well rounded character then what is normal for a lot of d20 systems.

All this to say, I’m 100% intrigued by what this product has to offer. I think I’m going to push forward and explore this system in its entirety. If you are looking to purchase this product, please purchase using the widgets below. It doesn’t cost you anything extra and a couple of bucks come my way. 


Musings on a New Mission Statement

So recently, I’ve been moving away from being a musiciateacher and soloist and have been finding myself doing more writing and storytelling. Don’t get me wrong, I love music and will continue to pursue a classical chamber and soloist career. But I think it is time to update my mission statement to reflect the dungeons and dragons and writing aspects of my career.

I, Christopher Rondeau, will strive to create an emotional connection to my audience. Through music, I can stir a crowd to feel something that is indescribable by words. Through my writing, I can absorb the reader into a new world as a break from reality. Through collaborative storytelling, I can offer a place for community, laughter, and excitement. My goal is to provide sustenance for the imagination, stir the heart for lost feelings, and provide quality content in any art form.

Work in progress for sure. Thoughts?

Dungeons & Dragons Combat Roles

I was looking back at dungeons and dragons 4e and noticed its emphasis on particular combat roles. These roles made 4th edition feel like a video game sometimes and the MMO “Holy Trinity” of tank, dps, and healers seemed to have influenced this particular edition. In 4e, everyone was a damage dealer plus something else. A defender was a damage dealer that had a threat mechanic, a leader was a damage dealer that had a healing mechanic, a controller was a damage dealer with field control, and a striker was a slightly better damage dealer. Therefore, in 4e the “rule of cool” was heavily used because even the tankiest tank could do heaps of damage and received a “daily power” to do something extraordinary.

In 5e, we returned to the classic dungeons and dragons sort of mindset. A class isn’t stuck in definitive roles and many people believe (at least based on my initial google search) that party roles no longer apply and we should allow the characters to create five fighters if that is what they want to do. While I agree that 5e allows itself to have five fighters and still work out alright with smart play, it has a fairly very boring approach as we don’t want five characters doing the same thing. Though subclasses give some variation, it is still basically the same thing. Plus with a balanced party, the party will go through combat a bit easier and allow the players to focus on the roleplay and story. In my games, the story usually takes precedence over the mechanics. I normally ask my players to not have the same class as everyone else; if two people play the same class they must vastly different from each other and have different subclasses.

Today, I am petitioning for five combat roles to maybe help balance out the group and then present a system to help achieve the five combat roles. Note this article is designed for combat and not social activities which is another conversation for another time.

  1. Damage-Sponge - This is someone who has a high AC or a high health pool. He is your frontline character who can punish people who ignore him. He is hopefully the character who can get into the thick of things and allow freedom of movement for the rest of the party to do their thing. This is not to say that can’t be a formidable force of their own, doing more than enough damage to defeat the enemies. I think the best example of this actually comes from the feat "sentinel" that allows a player to attack a target that isn't focusing on him as a reaction.

  2. Frontline damage - Every damage sponge needs someone out there to support them and to achieve that amazing flank. Even the damage sponge sometimes needs someone to take the pressure off of them and to deal with the one or two enemies that slips past the front line when possible. I think the classic example here is a melee rogue, the disengage as a bonus action allows the character to get into a convenient spot.

  3. Utility - This is the person who can control the enemies to make them less threatening. Think of a cleric who can “turn undead”, for undead creatures it puts some of them out of the fight for a significant amount of time. We want a character who can do that consistently to many targets and give other characters an opportunity to take advantage of the situation. This may take the form of a monk using “stunning strike” consistently - forcing a potential for four enemies to lose their turns in a single round. Or even something like a spell caster knocking an opponent prone so the melee characters can obtain that glorious advantage. Also, consider a spell like “bless” would also count as utility since it helps allies hit the target to do damage.

  4. Ranged Damage - Ranged damage dealers have the ability to use more of the map to their advantage. A ranged dps can deal with a pesky mage that is out of range from the melee or throw an AOE attack that can potentially obliterate some of the creatures who don’t have a lot of hit points. Frontliners don’t always get the ability to attack the target that needs to be focused but a ranged damage dealer can be the hero we need them to be.

  5. Damage Mitigation - healing in 5e isn’t that great and is mostly left to an out of combat mechanic. Think of it this way, is it better to heal a target 3d8+3 (thinking a level 3 cure wounds spell) or throw a 6d8 fireball to stop the enemies from actually doing the damage. But there is a place for damage mitigation in combat. Think of a level 1 spell slot. Cure wounds will potentially do 1d8+3 or 8 hp on average. Or you can cast a reaction spell like Shield and gain a plus 5 to AC hypothetically preventing at least 1 attack or more. Enemies that hit hard will do more than 8 damage on a hit, and therefore mitigating the damage is a much better use of that first level slot. Not saying clutch healing isn’t important, but it is better not to get hit in the first place. I instead petition a damage mitigation role. Where someone uses “shield of faith” or uses a feat like “Inspiring Leader” to help prevent actual hp lost. Things like this don’t kill your standard action, which the party can use to get much-needed damage, and actually, help prevent hp loss from the party. Think of the bard mechanic cutting words, as a reaction you can decrease the enemies d20 role or damage role by your bardic dice. This is immensely powerful as a mechanic.

As an aside, I used to play a lore bard who was a healer by damage mitigation and utility. With a combination of the sentinel feat and polearm master feat, some targets wouldn’t even touch him. Cutting words prevent damage, and he stole the spell “aid” and would have eventually taken an inspiring leader feat as a before combat healing ability. Rarely did he cast a healing spell, but he kept the party alive in his own way. These are the best ways to “heal” in my opinion based on the mechanics 5e has laid out.

But back on topic, characters will generally hit 2-3 of these categories by level 3 and I normally strive to have people pick their level 3 subclasses during character creation. Sometimes I'll consider just starting at level 3 if I have experienced players. A cleric at level 3 for example, could be part damage sponge via high AC, a utility with a spell-like bless, both a range and melee damage dealer with spells and/or a melee weapon, and mitigate damage through shield of faith and aid. So I created a system for a five-man party to hopefully create a balanced party while still having some flexibility. Here goes.

Every player character has 3 points leading to a total of 15 points for five people. In turn, I am asking for two points in each role. This allows players to have 15 points at their exposal in a system that requires only 10 points. If no one wants to actually play a damage mitigation primary, we may still be able to get that 2 point requirement if people put points into it as a secondary. For example, a utility lore bard can swing a point into damage mitigation because of cutting words and a fighter who has a protection fighting style can invoke disadvantage on an enemy attack as a reaction. Thus the damage mitigation category is fulfilled but still there to keep the team alive. In this system, I would ask players to justify why their characters are in this role and I will ask the players to keep to the role they suggested most of the time.

Luckily in 5th edition, there are many ways to play a role. If you as a person really want to play a mage type. You can play a mage who specializes in utility, range damage dealing, melee damage dealing, damage mitigation, and a tank. This flexibility comes from subclasses, spell choices, and playstyles. With Xanathar out, we actually see a Warlock subclass that allows you to do secondary healing without losing to much damage per round and a monk subclass that allows you to have great AC potential. With this, I always ask my players to focus on character story first with flexibility on mechanics. I would rather have you pitch me a ferocious fighter who is on a quest for revenge than a “Battle master who wields a greatsword”. The revenge story emphasizes the plot and with some willingness, you can fit a tank role, damage role, or range role (archer) as needed and isn't locked into the Fighter class.

To emphasize, a balanced party means we aren't stressing out about combat as much, and that can lead to a better story between combats instead of freaking out about why we didn't have a range damage dealer to deal with that pesky mage. Balanced parties, in my opinion, make the game better. I strongly encourage players to come in with a character concept and not a character class. 

And here is a picture of Erathis that my wife drew because it is great and I need a thumbnail. 

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House Collins Retrospective

This past Monday, we finished the House Collins Chapter of the Road to Redemption Arc. House Collins features a story involving a hedonistic culture that praises the very base desires of society. Underlying the clean streets, fresh farm food, and a seemingly natural posterior was several dark secrets that became known to the party as time passed. First thing I presented was the use of necromancy, a small but seemingly important foreshadow about the disrespect of human life that the culture showed. The concept was simple, why should death prevent someone from still being useful if the soul has moved passed to the next life?

The next idea was the concept of The Amusement War, stolen from Red Seas Under Red Skies by Scott Lynch. The underlying idea was that the culture applauded the concept of people being effectively tortured. When the party had a look at the culture, they saw only a small part of the community celebrating this and used it as a representation of the culture at large. We also had some meta symbolism that featuring the two most powerful men sitting across from each other overlooking this game. The King sat on his iron throne, representing his men and physical strength while Davik sat on his gold throne representing his money and influence. The party would need both aspects to be able to succeed in their objective.

Over the next few episodes, the party finds out secrets from both of these figures. Davik was using his money to fund a virus that will turn people into Lycanthropes featuring some easter eggs for the party from the previous story arc. Davik is implementing this virus on his own people to set up his own power structure and the question lies is if the people he affects were willing or not in his scheme. The lycan virus is something I wanted to set up as a playable race and storyline for future campaigns and therefore needed to be implemented in the story lore.

For the King, we realize he was using his status to develop laws to be able to harvest blood. Blood is an alchemical ingredient that can be used to create magical items. In lore, this started roughly fifteen years prior with a purge of any none tiefling. The blood was then used to give the King immense power and started leading his Kingdom through fear. Some of these humans and elves escaped and started a resistance that was there to help out newborn babies but they simply did not have the firepower to be able to plan an effective coup. When the first coup failed most of the community fell back into submission. This particular storyline was designed to have two parallels. One being Nazi Germany against the Jews and the second being our current state of affairs with the government having much more firepower than the civilians they protect. It was interesting playing into those two themes. This was also inspired in part by Fullmetal Alchemist and the use of the philosopher’s stone.

As we go further into the campaign, we will get the opportunity to explore new themes, new ideas, and subtle Veggietales references. Join us every Monday night at 9pm at twitch.tv/pwrlvlpodcasts.

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Woes of the Dungeon Master

Lowrollers went live last week and we are currently getting back into the tabletop gaming mindset. I am reminded of some of the difficulties of being the main dungeon master of a group of peers and some of those dislikes and I figured I’d share some of them with y’all.

  1. I already know the story line. Sometimes during the “slower” parts of the story my role as storyteller becomes difficult. Quite frankly, I already know all the answers since it is my story. I have to work on understanding that my players barely know how their character acts let alone the world around them. At the same time, I cannot skip all the “boring” lore parts simply because it is an uninteresting concept to me. These small details are critical details to learn, but God can they be soooo boring and I think this happened in my last session I ran. I didn't provide enough details perhaps because I already know them.

  2. Things that are obvious to me are not obvious to the player. I can say something around the lines of, “This curtain is a darker shade of blue then the rest” and my party will do nothing. But lo and behold, a statue is in the room clearly it is going to come to life! I know there is something off with the curtain because I wrote the story line but that information may not be obvious to the players. Or in the example of the curtain, the curtain the clue is so obvious it must be nothing.

  3. Player decisions versus character decision. I have a certain head-canon in my head. If one of my characters are really interested in the agriculture in my head, I may provide an interesting crop for the player character to investigate and even though the character is interested, the player may not be. Sometimes that can prove difficult as I have some of these hooks that are simply not taken advantage of because of players forgetting their own story line. This hasn’t been a problem in recent months, but when a game first comes together it can prove difficult for players to truly understand their characters. Because of that my first arc in a new campaign is very story driven, giving the players time to really fall into their characters goals and personality.

  4. Sometimes I really don’t want to DM, and I just want to be a character who explore the world. I don’t get the opportunity to make in depth characters for the story in the same way a PC would. My in depth characters are basically villains and quest givers. That can be rough because there may be a jealousy involved to a player who gets these great character building moments. Jealousy isn't really an issue for me, but I can see where that can become a little rough.

Just some thoughts into the mind of the Dungeon master. I’m sure other game masters have the same issues (and many more!) It may be interesting to start a discussion about it. Also check out my DMing in action on Lowrollers Live at 9pm every (most?) Monday nights! We introduced two new characters to the story this past week! 

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LowrollersLive Starts Tonight!

I have spent a lot of my childhood playing tabletop games which was initiated by my parents playing the game Champions in the Hero System. When I got into college, I think I mentioned D&D very loosely in conversation and was given one of three reactions:

1. Isn’t that a game for nerds.
2. That is Satan's game, how dare you play that!
3. Oh hey, I used to play that too.

And thus I ignored the first two responses and gathered some of my friends to begin the journey of becoming addicts to collaborative storytelling. We have played games like Fate, Fantasy Hero, homebrew star wars and starcraft systems, and most prominently D&D Next. And this storytelling concept gave us the idea to take our game to twitch.tv tonight! My friends and I have developed a weekly campaign that has accumulated our joint experiences as story enthusiast. I figured I will give you a brief overview of the characters and what to expect when you check it out!

Astor Mithlader is half-elf Bard/Paladin played by Daniel Garcia. Danny started my campaign as a rather new tabletop gamer. His character idea was thus very… shall I say it?... dull. He was in a traveling performing group and decided to make a name for himself as a bard. So I opted to make this character the target of my own storyline through an archfey Damh. Astor unwilling trapped Damh in his sword and thus Damh has forced Danny to make Astor more interesting. Astor explores a coming of age story that basically shows Astor making right decisions and being the hero he was destined to be.

Narroth is a half-dragon sorcerer played by Jonathan Edwards. Jon created this idea that he wanted to have the greed of a red-dragon and slowly become more dragon-like. I turned this idea on its head and played a storyline where Narroth can gain power by acting more human. From here Narroth is attempting to find a balance between his two natures leading to a theme of wholeness. Narroth will continue to learn more things about his draconic heritage while also realizing there is much power from simply being human.

Zarrius is a tiefling gnome monk played by Robert Seitz. I am incredibly proud of Seitz as a player, his normal archetype is a dumb barbarian or fighter whose main contribution is smashing someone's head in. When he joined the campaign, I basically told him I did not want a dumb brute just for the sake of combat. With much work, Zarrius was born. Zarrius has duel sponsorships, one from being a clerical devotee to Obad’hai and the other by signing a contract with Asmodeus to try and save his mother. Thus we find a theme of morality and specifically “doing the wrong things for the right reasons”. I personally find this character fascinating and very believable. How far will Zarrius go to save his family?

Lady Lillith Von Kiln is a human cleric played by Alan Seymour. Alan was having some trouble in the past chapter finding a character that truly fit in with the tone and nature of the party/story. Then we finally landed on Lillith, a character who is struggling to find peace with her past. Lillith blames herself for the death of a significant other and her acts in the Tower of Babel may have changed time itself. Thus a theme of forgiveness is present but who or what is Lillith trying to forgive? It is also important to note Alan is our New York friend we met while playing Star Wars: The Old Republic. While we no longer play the MMO, we come together to play D&D and have kept in contact because of tabletop gaming.

Bryn Wanders is our tiefling fighter played by our executive producer Daniel Allinson. Bryn will join the cast in the first episode tonight but she has been hinted at in the previous story arc. See Danny pitched me this character with a 35+ page backstory involving what has happened to Bryn and thus I am excited to see how he chooses to play her tonight. She portrays a theme of contentment and I personally am excited to see how she pushes the party.

Story-wise, the party has just been saved after a crushing defeat in the Tower of Babel where they accidentally set free an old God. This God is known as the Lecherous Lion, a mind-controlling beholder who has created the mind flayers and allowed psionics to enter the world. The party is going to try and fix the problem they caused and (hopefully) redeem their mistakes.

Check out the next chapter of Shadow of Death: Road to Redemption tonight at 9pm PST at twitch.tv/pwrlvlpodcasts!

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2017 Retrospective

Today is the first day of the new year. I woke up and brewed some coffee, did some devotions, and watched as the Salvation Army march the rose parade… then proceeded to fall asleep for the rest of the parade. Normally the week before the New Years is figuring out what plans actually make sense for the next year, and the week after is really just looking back to what happened the previous year. So let us see what happened in 2017.

The year started with myself recovering from a severe car accident, and thus the first half of the year was recovery and then finishing school on pure adrenaline, but that isn’t quite exciting at all. But hey, I graduated with a B.M. in Music Performance in May! During this time though my Tuba Quartet did make an appearance as the Guest Artist at Westmont University and an invited group to the South Western Tuba Euphonium Conference where we presented a 30-minute set.

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Then the beginning of the summer came around and I took a bit of time to sleep before heading off to India to play a few concerts and teach some music to the people of Aizawl. Spending about ten days there, it was a time to really learn and appreciate a new culture. Also around this time I started my website and created the brand “rondeaucreator” as my chosen title for my creative endeavors.

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Later that summer, Think Tank launched and we have released 13 episodes to really try and figure out the method of podcasting. This upcoming year, I hope to be able to produce more episodes on a more consistent basis now that I know a little more about what I am doing. Also this summer, my patreon launched! An area to test my writing and attempt to practice while attempting to make a little money on the side. I am hoping to develop the patreon a little further as I pursue some more writing paths.

September I started a new job that involved cooking, banquet serving, and other various food-related activities that were used to supplement my income and help pay the bills that sorely needed to be paid. I have been able to learn a lot about cooking and basic kitchen applications as well as hone some of my knife skills.

In November, Danny Allinson, the executive producer of pwrlvl podcasting network, and I decided to take my ongoing D&D game and put it on twitch in the new year. This past story arc was titled “Rise of the Wounded King” which paid homage to the classic D&D monster a beholder. The party played on the theme of trust and my party grew as storytellers and creative minds. 

We just recived the art of our 5th character but haven't implemented it in the promo.

We just recived the art of our 5th character but haven't implemented it in the promo.

November into December was a huge focus on being a euphonium player again. I lost a lot when I was in recovering from my car accident. And it wasn’t until early December did I feel at the level of expertise that I was at prior to my car accident. Something I am growing on as I enter into audition and competition season.

So professionally speaking, we have seen some growth which will allow some grace to some of the other things going on in the United States this year. But that second half of 2017 of growth can be used as a platform for being able to grow into the new year. God Bless as y’all reflect the goods and bads of the past year but focus on the good as much as possible.

New Year Goals and Thoughts

I sit in between these two holidays in a state of wonder. Recently, I’ve been trying to get my leg up in the world. Attempting to create an opportunity for myself to be able to make a living in Southern California. But these things take time, patience, and sometimes a decent amount of money. For example, I’m looking to buy a plane ticket to Washington to attempt to get a graduate assistantship for the upcoming Fall term. A step like this would allow me to get an apartment while also progressing my career goals and ideals. But I have to buy that plane ticket and the idea that I’m spending money to eventually make more money seems to be a conversation of debate about using financial resources. I bought my Yeti microphone when I first started to podcast for the promise that perhaps pwrlvl will make a couple of dollars to reimburse that eventually.

But with the New Year comes a natural time to reevaluate my goals and figure out so consistency with my patreon, upcoming book campaign, music, and spending time with the people I love. Here are some things that are definitely on the market for that.

January 7th will be the first episode of Think Tank of the new year, and I am aiming for 48 episodes in the 52 week year. Think Tank is a cultural anyasis podcast where we take some news articles and truly attempt to see the state of the world through what the media is putting out. Listen in for that!

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January 8th, “Lowrollers Live” officially launches on Twitch.tv where I’ll be storytelling a group of people through Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition. The story of the Wounded King has arisen and our young heroes must band together to attempt to save the world from the evil they have committed.

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March 1st, will be the beginning mark of my 180-day book campaign to hit a presale goal to get my book published fully. Follow Asmund Steiner as he stumbles on the secret to magic in this Science-Fantasy world. Book will be told from two perspectives, Asmund dealing with his current problems in a realistic tone, and Asmund telling his past in a biased manner.

Summer of 2018, I want to get a CD in a studio. I’ve speculating doing some work with Harrison Scannell where we have briefly talked about rearranging the Four Seasons for a variety of bass frequency instruments, or perhaps a solo CD featuring a great amount or repertoire. This depends on budget though, and the Spring I'll be looking at costs for such a project.fd1

Patreon will undergo some new changes for the new year. I’ll be charging per story from here on out instead of a monthly membership. I’ll reevaluate the tiers of pay and some of the goals by the end of the year and launch that soon.

Fall 2018 is where I hope to be back in school for music. I didn’t find much classical recital work with just my B.M. in Music Performance except for having some consistent jazz gigs. I hope to remedy that as well. I am also aiming to potentially start a recital series in late Spring and Early Summer as well. Hopefully, something will come here but I may be late in planning such an activity.

Look forward to new content from myself and stay tuned for more info!

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Lowrollers Live: The Rise of the Wounded King DM's Thoughts

Earlier this month, I was fortunate enough to finish a story arc in my ongoing D&D campaign. This chapter was called “Rise of the Wounded King” that played on the idea of trust between the party. I figured I should attempt to give a little insight into the creative process of storytelling a campaign. When I write story line for a game that takes place over several years of our reality, I plan it in five sections. An introductory arc, an arc that has worldly consequences, a 3rd arc that is more about characters versus themselves over a great evil, a couple of arcs completing some backstory elements, and then the final arc against the big bad that I attempt to foreshadow at the beginning. This arc is my 3rd arc; the players are not fighting an obvious villain, and the goal is to see major character growth.

To set this up, I create a mythical tower based on the Christian bible and the Argentine short story The Library of Babel. The Tower has all possible knowledge of all possible books that can ever exist. The concept is based on the idea that even a monkey on a typewriter can eventually strike gold and speak the truth. With that, I sent my party to three major places in the current lore: Warbid, the Clockwork City, and Zhengzhao. The concept was that they were looking for parts of a jade stone that should form a key into the Tower of Babel.

Warbid is run by two gay Kings in a desert Arabian feel culture. For this approach, I really wanted people to be more accepting of my tiefling player character and really challenging to my elves who normally walked into places without any trouble. I also wanted to tackle some progressive thoughts on the idea of a masculine based culture and sexuality. The culture was also open to sexual advances; with nobility tending to be very elitist and putting emphasis on looks. A river ran next to Warbid, and like the Nile and the ancient Egyptian culture; I played an emphasis on the river overflowing and fertilizing the land. It is believed that the Nile flooding had a parallel to an orgasm and therefore sex was highly prioritized. The party had to infiltrate a party of a prince and thus hilarity pursued.

The Clockwork City ran on greed; even the King was there to make a quick dollar, very obviously extorting the party by charging them a pretty penny. The party must dwell in the Underdark to meet a new culture of Duergar, normally very evil creatures. I tried to put on a twist where these people who had recently converted to Moradin and thus had the lawful good tendency. I also tried to teach the party a very strict lesson here: not all fights are meant to be fought with swords. Every fight in this particular chapter would have provided a better outcome if the party had simply made a tactical retreat. A lesson I don’t think the party actually learned and it involved a party member ultimately leaving the group and remaking his character. 

Zhengzhao had two major influences: Chinese heritage and the culture that Patrick Rothfuss made in the Wise Man’s Fear of the Adem people. The idea is that these people had a vastly different lifestyle and that they were known for rigorous philosophical and martial training. The culture didn’t have any place for music, physical touch, or overall emotional things. I took notes from the Art of War by Sun Tzu and basic monolithic training. For everyday life, private lives were private and must be kept that way. I prepped a whole montage on "physical touch" just to show how rare the action was. Oddly, my party ended up getting into political debates based on the idea that governments needing a fair amount of transparency instead of privacy. The jade was rather easy to obtain, but it allowed the party to feel wholly uncomfortable in the new environment. 

The arc theme was trust; a topic that is becoming extremely difficult in the current political climate and one that I actually punished the party for. From the beginning, one of my player characters was actually the villain of the arc, coaxing the party to a goal. He kept up the guise (and passed all his deception rolls) and was able to use the party to unleash a great evil; the beholder god known as Lecherous Lion, the Wounded King. These consequences are going to set up the next arc quite nicely, as trust was betrayed. Can the party truly redeem themselves in light of all that has happen? Well, we will find out on January 8th at 9 pm in the new year with "Shadow of Death: The Road to Redemption". Stay tuned for more details of Lowrollers Live.

Thoughts on the Protest this Weekend

I am likely going to talk about this subject on the next episode of Think Tank, but I figure I should voice some of my thoughts here for a brief moment. Here is a point of view that will likely receive a lot of negative criticism and I should begin this conversation by simply saying I am not afraid to be wrong. This Saturday, people took to the streets to protest the Trump administration and someone even called for riots via the Antifa Civil War concept. While I am glad that has not happened and I’ll elaborate on that in the Think Tank Podcast… I wanted to talk a little about protesting.

I don’t believe that protesting has had the same effects that it once did in the past; and currently it provides an inconvenience to the people around you and could potentially set back your cause tremendously. Protests used to be a way of awareness for certain issues when it was harder for information to be spread. But awareness for an issue is now currently able to be presented much earlier than when a protest can be organized. In other words, you are bringing attention to an issue that people are most likely already aware of. People see a protest on anti-trump in Los Angeles and they basically say, “We already know you are unhappy, but don’t block traffic.”

And then people get angry, and protesting can lead to riots and violence. I don’t want to see people get hurt and I want to see people safe. People are angry and anger leads to people choosing not to listen. Protesting fuels anger on both sides, and disrupts a proactive conversation. I want to advise to try and control your anger, and talk to the other side; you may find you are not so different after all and perhaps compromise can be reached. Don’t do something that may hinder your cause. I admit I am no expert, and protesting may still be beneficial but please control the emotion behind it.

I encourage peace.

Euphonium in the classical world

I was at a recital about a week ago and had a conversation with another attendant I had just met. He asked my major, and I responded that I had graduated with a performance degree in euphonium. He then made a comment like, “Guess you aren’t expecting to get any work.” And I bit my tongue and let it slide. This other person was also a musician who ended up not pursuing a music degree for an unknown reason.

I chose an instrument I fell deeply in love with, an instrument where the color of the timbre is something that moves me deep in my soul, and an instrument that has the ability to match the cello in finesse and virtuosity. But what this man said does have some truth, the instrument is simply not very marketable. Nothing in classical music is really marketable anymore. One of my dear friends and colleagues, Harry Scannell, and I have had many long nights talking about this. In a market when music is easily accessible, only the people who are going to have a niche are going to succeed. And let us be honest, is it going to be the euphonium player who has the niche or the 3,000 violin players that are in LA alone?

I hope I can truly make a name for myself as a euphonium soloist to; be able to change minds and change the heart like I want to. Hearing a comment like that is really disheartening and people are set in their ways. Last year, I invited a piano player to one of my free concerts and simply said, “I have no interest in listening to euphonium and tuba.” When even people in my own field doesn’t give the instrument any respect, we have some issues. May the culture change for the better as time passes.

Take a listen to one of the pieces I love to play. Not terribly complicated or difficult, but stirs powerful emotions:

Folksong by Bruce Broughton Aaron VanderWeele, euphonium Bill Way, piano from his 2009 recording, Panache www.euphoniumlessons.com Program Note: One of the most versatile composers working today, Bruce Broughton writes in every medium, from theatrical releases and TV feature films to the concert stage and computer games.

The Effect of Stories

I grew up falling in love with stories, which I attribute to my mother being an English major and the fact I moved around a lot as a kid. See, my parents are divorced, and every year generally one of them would move to a new place. I didn't find much consistency during those younger years so I believe I became sort of a recluse and stayed in much of the time. I did some extracurricular activity through music, but beyond that, I was mostly at home watching television, reading, or playing a game. I loved the idea of playing games, but when I was with my father, the rule was, "You must read 30 minutes to get 10 minutes of gaming." So, my average day was to go to school, come home, read for 3 hours, and get an hour in front of the computer or the TV to play a game. I grew up with Baldur's Gate, Legend of Dragoon, and the Final Fantasy franchise. With my mother, gaming was more of a family activity; we would watch each other play games like Spyro or Crash Bandicoot.   

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But ultimately, I think my ability to appreciate stories came from the very first moments of Final Fantasy IX. For those of you who don't know me, that game is my favorite game of all time. Mostly because in that first arc we are (spoilers) trying to kidnap a princess who wants to be kidnapped. Then, through damage sustained to your airship, the ship falls into the forbidden forest. Yada yada – you play through this dungeon area and the party kind of comes together. Except for one character, who ends up sacrificing himself to save the party and at the bitter end he accepts death bravely. I must have been 7 or 8 at the time, not really having very many emotional outlets, but this affected me really hard. From the clever (in my mind) idea of a princess wanting to be kidnapped by people who were hired to kidnap her to the death of a very beloved character who was created to die. At that moment, I had a new perspective of fiction, of stories, and of how to affect a person and tug at those heartstrings.  

It really is the small things that affect people. I attribute my desire to create to that moment of seeing the character die. And when I get into the grind of performing music and writing; where sometimes the emotional aspect of it goes away. I remember that moment where the character died and remember I can make those moments for other people. Thus I continue to write, I continue to practice, I continue to create. With practice, I can hopefully stir people in a newfound way and push people to come to a more human level.  

On that note, I don't really apply a lot of my emotions into every situation. Even with music, I approach it from a coldhearted mindset. I think stories keep me human in a sense. It reminds me to use my emotions instead of approaching it will cold-hearted integrity. That is what I want to accomplish through my work – that it is okay to be human when the world wants us to be cold-hearted.  

Stay tuned for more work.  

Altruism and the Source of our Issues

                Over the course of the past couple of weeks, a lot of my free thoughts have dealt with an idea of Altruism. I have recently come back from a trip to India with the Salvation Army and therefore had an opportunity to view their culture. I did a little bit of teaching, a little bit of playing, and really a lot of talking to the locals.

PC: John Doctor

PC: John Doctor

While I was there I had a deep appreciation for their concept of community. Here, on the other hand, it appears that we are only willing to help people out when it is a convenience. A great deal of the time, we take a great first step and give the help that we can afford; and then proceed to pat ourselves on the back and walk away. As soon as a person attempts to get help, we become annoyed and tell them to “make your situation better” instead of helping someone in need. How often do we view someone in trial as an annoyance and nuisance when it is someone who is simply down on his luck.

As a child, I remember an instance during recess (maybe 4th grade) where I was trying to tell a friend my life story. I was telling them about my parents’ divorce and my unknown biological father. This kid proceeded to tell me he was bored and wanted to play. I understand that this is a mindset of a child who hasn’t developed an emotional palate yet. But how often do we see that mindset on people who have reached adulthood? As a Christian who sees this in a lot of his Christian colleagues, that is really a shame.

"Compelled by Love" by Andrew Blyth has a message that is similar to this.

Compelled by love
Called to serve Wherever there are souls in need.
Compelled by love,
Called to find the lonely and the lost.
Touched by God’s grace,              
I’ll love where hearts are hurting.
How can I offer less than all
When I am born again by his forgiving?
I’m compelled by love.

I am far from an example of proper altruism – but I am trying to do become an example of what it needs to be; though recently that has proven rather difficult. I am rather down on my luck but will continue to try fixing older problems; while also trying to show love and respect without reward.

The Next Week or So

Tomorrow I leave for India with the Salvation Army in an attempt to teach and play some music. And I always have a hard time traveling. On one hand, there are a lot of reasons to stay home. This time around though, the trip has cost me a couple of job opportunities. I recently graduated college and with that experience I came across a lot of trials. I thought I was set for a new job but in reality it appears that I overestimated my status in the job I was slated to get. As I went into the job market from here, most people were saying that they were not ready to hire someone who is heading to India within the first month of working.

And on top of that, I was in a near-fatal car accident that has really put a struggle on the physical capabilities. I had to learn to adapt and "slow down". And all this happened while having tremendous emotional struggle of a lot of things coming down and coming at me when I was my physically weak, but I won't focus so much on that. 

But during this time that since I have realized I can't look for a job pre-India, I decided how I wanted to live my life. I want to do it where I can free-lance and stay at home as a writer and creator, while being able to do solo recitals once in a blue moon. And as I launched my patreon account and made this known to many people, I was caught with a lot of resistance and not a lot of support. From friends not doing truly understanding, to people saying that "free-lance" creators cannot exist as a career without extreme consequences. I have thus opted to disagree. I am attempting to launch a career (albeit that it will take a long while) where I can work on my own time so I can also do the necessary stuff during my personal life. This concept of patreon, and eventually podcasting, was a first step in realizing that I can do what I need to have a career where I can spend the day doing work, and spend the evening with my family. And many people do not believe that it is possible, but I disagree I have seen examples of it happening. And I just need to play smart and work hard.

I think this is a very important step, that I understand this will take many years to develop. But I think it is very important that my goals and intentions are not selfish but to try and set a schedule that works around myself, not necessarily my personal life working around my job. I don't think my patreon launch was really that successful, but I am going to leave for the trip in India and do some extremely good work in the world and try and give back a little good in the world. And when I get back, I am going to do some good work. I am going to release some reviews and figure out my plans for that as well. Wish me luck in India, to really help out and then come back here and work on free lance, get a day job, fix some personal issues, and find some much needed stability.